My Life as it is

So since my last entry so much has happened. I got a jon for the last part of the summer and i made a new great friend…….lol. This fall semester is going to be trying but i am doing my best to stay on top of things. It’s odd but a friend of mine had a dream about me. She said that it was like watching the outkast video International player’s anthem…..she siad she saw me in the front and when they asked the question of who objects, someone stood up and spilled their guts and it ended in an all out brawl……LOL i told them yeah let’s pray to God that doesn’t happen. I got to start my Ask Doctor trent video blog but i have been so busy i haven’t had time to do a new one in so long. Thanks to all of those people who supported me so far… Keep it coming

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The Storm

I have lived in Houston all my life. One thing that makes Houston so unique is its weather patterns. With it being such a widespread city, you could very well call a friend and they tell you it’s sunshine where they are and you will be looking out your window and heavy wind and rain pouring down outside. For me, I can honestly say that feel like a representation of my life. I know as people part of existing is learning how to not compare ourselves to others or look at someone else’s path and compare it to our own. It becomes difficult at time though. Right now, I guess you could say I feel like I’m in one of those storms in life. I’m getting rained on, there’s thunder and lightning aplenty, and i have no umbrella.  I am so very frustrated with my current path. What can you say or how are you supposed to feel when you put a massive amount of time and effort into something and when the dust clears, there is nothing to show for it as if you did nothing in the first place? You could be down in the dumps. But you will probably be that way for a very long time. When you hit those points in life, you have to continue on and find that inner strength and courage to not be defeated. Even when it seems like you have every right to give up, you must keep going on. Just like Houston weather, storms don’t last forever. Before you even realize it, the clouds will move away and the sun will be shining on your face once again. You just have to keep on pushing and ask God to really carry you forward and trust that He will get you through anything

Negativity (Mad’s Corner Issue 15)

So in my philosophy class today, we watched a film titled Hip Hop: Beyond Beats and Rhymes. Before I begin, I believe every true fan of hip-hop and rap MUST watch this film. It tells so much that many don’t understand and realize. Secondly, this will be quite a long note but I have a lot to say and trying to shorten it would not be doing the topic justice. So many of you are probably asking me what that DVD has to do with negativity as far as relationships, love, and sex goes. Well it goes a little something like this…..HIT IT!

So these days, women are objectified quite a bit in what is considered “rap videos” You have your Tipdrill but you also have tons of videos from a certain point in time up to today that have nothing but rappers surrounded by tons of scantily clad women shaking their ass and doing alot of sexual things subservient to the men. It sends off the message that this is how it’s supposed to be. Now I know a lot of you reading have the sense and knowledge to know that is NOT how it’s supposed to be in ANY situation. But think about it like this.

Let’s say you have Timmy. Now timmy is growing up in a one parent household and his mom has to be both mother and father. She does awesome and the best she can but then the only things he sees that show him how to be a man shown by a man is what he sees in the music videos on BET. It’s the artists he hears on the radio. It’s from his dumb dumb friends who don’t know any better their damn selves. Then Timmy gets older and his “boys” start having sex cuz they think it’s what you supposed to do if you a man. Timmy feels that he wants to wait for that special someone but when he tells his friends that, they call him a pussy, a punk, a faggot. So that his “friends” accept him, he meets some girl and has sex with her. From that point on, he sleeps with females cuz he thinks that’s what a man is supposed to do and so that his boys will accept him. He continues on that path until one day he gets a chick pregnant. Because he’s not ready to be a man and fulfill his responsibility and not having a father himself to show him how, he leaves her alone and does nothing for the child. Yes this may sound somewhat far fetched but in truth, how farfetched is it? And in truth, if this occurs, it continues the evil cycle. That boy has no father to show him how to really be a man! That girls has no father to show her how a man is supposed to treat a woman and what she should expect from a man who wants to be a part of her life.

The only way this can change is twofold. First off, it start from the rappers. Now a lot of rap you hear these days is garbage. The subject matter of the 10 or 11 songs played a million times on the radio have the following themes guaranteed: selling drugs, being a pimp, bitch do what i say, he’s a bitch nigga, spend your money on unnecessary bullshit, fuck niggas, fuck bitches be my bust it baby, get that paper, stack that cheese, shake yo ass, etc etc. Fact of the matter is that’s not what real hip hop is about AT ALL. In the movie I watched, there were these guys outside freestyling about these same topics. When they were asked why promote these things, one guy actually dropped a flow that was conscious and real . But when he finished, he said ,”But if i go to a label with that, they won’t hand me a contract. No one wants to hear that stuff. So if I have to talk about drugs and women and all that to get paid, so be it!” Most rappers who talk about these things know nothing about what they rap. Look at Rick Ross and some of these guys. Most of them have had regular jobs and alot of them have intelligence. You don’t get to see 50 Cent in his business suit signing his deal with Vitamin Water. What you get to see is him with a vest on with a gat in his hand. That’s what Timmy sees.

More change needs to happen to fix this as well. Men, we have to start holding one another accountable for our actions. Yeah that may be their life but some of the poor decisions your friends makes have dire consequences. If you know your homeboy has a girl and you see him steeping out on her, let him know he’s dead wrong for what he is doing.Why? She will find out and before long a newly disgruntled “niggas aint shit” female is born. If your patna decides he wants to be in a gang to get street cred or get money the best way he “knows how”(selling drugs, pimping women, etc), get him back on track. Don’t say oh that’s not my problem or pat him on the back when you know he ain’t doing right!

Ladies, do not believe the hype! Some of yall get to the point of accepting things as is and saying, “that’s men for ya!” or”ALL men cheat and I just have to learn to be ok with that as long as he shootin money my way!” NO! A man should treat a woman with respect. Always remember you are a lady first. I’m gonna say something and it may not be accepted well but it’s true: people take others at face value. If you have everything God blessed you with on display, you will be regarded as a ho plain and simple.If the only way to attract a certain guy is to dress like a “video ho”, then that is not the man for you! You gotta start having outrage to some stuff and not be so desensitized to it.

We all got a long way to go but change starts with one person. Always has and always will. You can easily say, I’m one person. Me doing better won’t change anything!” but you’d be surprised who is watching and who is taking in what you do and what you show you stand for.

Sacrifce, Self Discipline, and Patience (Mad’s Corner Issue 14)

So as my Easter was coming to a close, a friend of mine called me and she was tryna figure some things out. She was tryna figure out what path to go on next to try and get to a man who wants her for more than just what she can offer physically. This is something alot of yall females have gone through and probably still go through now. Some of us like sex alot more than others and tend to rush to that before the more important aspects of a person. For some females, they get to a point where they feel their Mr. Right does not exist so she either settles for what she knows in her heart is trash or tries to make herself ok with just being friends with benefits or fuck buddies cuz it starts to feel if they don’t then they wouldn’t have any opposite sex interaction at all. So when it gets to that point, that means change needs to be on the horizon and that’s where this note begins.

At some point, you have to come to realize that you have to sacrifice and show self discipline. If you want the bigger things that are in store for you, you must learn how to let the small stuff pass you by even if it is tempting. I’ll use an example most of us can relate to: sex. When we meet someone we are attracted to (usually physically first), at some point we think a sexual thought involving that person or what that person is capable of. Often though, we as people tend to let that curiosity take us over and decide we gotta find out ASAP instead of taking our time. We all can agree that most of the time, when you take the time to get to know that person, you really find out if that person is worth nothing more than maybe some sex. And if that is true, then they aren’t even worth sharing your body with in the first place if you are serious in trying to find that special someone. In other words, in order to get to the one who wants to spend time with you outside of a bedroom, you have to have the patience to wait and see out the ones who just want sex and pass on them and when you meet someone worthy to really take your time and see what you enjoy about them besides their body or what their body can do to your body. When you can learn the self discipline to bypass those and make the sacrifice of going a few months even possibly years without sex, you can lessen the amount of people that waste your time by a huge percentage.

Another part of this is sacrifice. The main thing I’m referring to when I say sacrifice is to your ego and to your pride. As I say quite often, people often think too much of themselves, thinking they are better that what they actually are. You can’t EVER demand perfection since you aren’t nor will you ever be perfect. You also can’t choose who you’ll date based on your friend’s opinion. If you friends are anything like mine, we all like different shapes, skin tones, personalities, etc. Missing out on a chick/guy because your friend(s) don’t think he/she is attractive is the lamest excuse. They don’t have to date the person, you do and at the end of the day, what matters is what that person thinks of you and vice versa. Half the time, you “friends” are only saying that to throw you off the trail so they can get at them. Trust me, I’ve seen it before

Another part of sacrificing ego is humbling yourself. Alot of people act as if it’s an honor if they even decide to speak to you. We are all humans trying to find our potential mate. If you too busy believing that you too good for every single person that approaches you, you will be alone for the rest of your life. And that kind of thinking will soon spread to friends and family walking away from you and not wanting to be around you. No one wants to be around someone that feels they are doing you a favor by letting you spend time with them. One of the biggest things in relationships is that you want to feel like that person wants you around. Otherwise, it leads to all sorts of trouble

Last but not least, we must sacrifice our way of thinking. Some people get to the niggas ain’t shit point. For others, it’s the all women are gold-digging psychopaths. And for many others, it’s I don’t think I deserve someone treating me right. I’ll give a example. Someone called me the other night and said they need to get away from this guy. When I asked why, they said they can’t be falling for no guy! I’m like wait are you saying you can’t fall for him because he’s actually doing all the right things so he MUST have a trick up his sleeve?!?!?!? Basically she felt as if she’s not good enough to deserve a good man to cook for her and not tryna jump immediately for her panties. That my friends is fear. As Hill Harper said in his book, The Conversation, fear is simply False Evidence Appearing Real. If a man is treating you right and doing what he is supposed to do, be easy and enjoy it. Believe inside yourself that you are a good woman and that you deserve to have a good man at your side. Trust that God has that person He made just for you and they are out there. Be positive and believe that all things are towards a better future and a greater good.

Looking to the Past (Mad’s Corner Issue 13)

So most people get with a person and things are good. Then as soon as you aren’t with the person or it ends badly, you have every bad thing to say about them. I can truly say I have been one of those people. I remember a time when my girlfriend at the time just dumped me it and it came out of pure left field. For the 2 years that followed that, I had every bad thing to say about her. I was still hurting and most of us are when we say hurtful things about our exes. Sometimes they are well deserved insults and sometimes it’s just that anger talking. In the last few months, I’ve been trying to figure out what are truly the most important things a woman must possess for me to consider her a possibility. Usually you never want to look back at your past because it contains hurt sometimes. Oddly enough, some of the most important ones actually came from taking a look into my past. Even though, me and that person didn’t work out there are usually parts of a relationship that no matter how bad the person hurt you, you have to admit that it was one of the best experiences. I’ll use myself as an example and lay myself on the cutting board

The first chick I ever dated was back in middle school. I honestly only had a gf for status purposes. I had NO CLUE as to what it actually meant so she ended up dumping my ass. Pretty funny stuff! We went back to being best friends a few months later.

The second female I dated, I actually learned more than I ever understood until recently. First off, me and the girl actually grew as friends for a full year before I ever asked her to be my girlfriend. At that time, I wasn’t even a phone person but because I wanted to get to know her, I became a phone person. We got to that point where we knew each other very well and I felt I could tell her anything because I trusted her. If she had any issues, whether it was school, her own self image of herself, just about anything, she told me. So key number one I learned from this relationship is friends first! Second was when we exchanged Christmas presents. I’ve always been the person to say it’s not how much you spent on me, it’s how much thought you put into it. For Christmas once we became a couple, she got me a bottle of cologne. What made this so special for me is not that it was expensive but the thought put into it. It was a cologne that I mentioned one time cuz she asked what my favorite scent was and this was months before we became a couple and all I had said was I want to save up one day and buy a bottle. The fact of her just remembering that made the gift so much more sentimental and I’ll never forget that.

The next girl I dated was kind of a short lived thing but from that, I learned I like affection. Hug me, massage my shoulders, do what comes to mind.

And from my most recent ex, I learned that I must have a woman who accepts me for who I am. And not just the good stuff. I need her to accept and love that I’m a goofball. Accept that I’m affectionate and that I like sex. Accept that I am genuinely a nice guy and I’m not just tryna butter you up to try and pull the wool over your eyes. Accept that my closest friends are females and since they were here before you, unless they just being straight catty, they will be here after you so you may as well get to know them too!

The last thing I learned from the last ex was something that some would say is SOOOO trivial BUT it’s actually now a deal breaker. I need a woman that can kiss. It’s physical and it’s petty but it’s the truth, damn it! I refuse to date a chick that can’t do it well.

So to summarize I learned the following: I need to really know myself before I date anyone, I need a woman who is as thoughtful as I am, friendship should come first before any progress to being a couple, I need affection and acceptance for who I am as I am, and last, I need a good kisser! It’s not my entire list but these things are definitely on there!

The point I’m trying to make is this: The next time you find yourself about to shit all over your ex and talk down on them, remember the good parts and see if there is anything you can take from them to use in your dating future.

Moving forward

It’s something most if not all of us have. Some of our baggage is small and can fit in a ziploc bag. Some of us would need a room the size of a warehouse to fit it all in. The hardest part of truly letting go of this baggage and moving forward in our lives is not looking back not even for one second. In Genesis 19, God saves Lot and his people and tells him to flee Sodom before he destroys it and don’t look back for any reason. Lot’s own wife looked back and instantly turned into a pillar of salt. Imagine if everytime we were suppose to move forward in life instead of looking back or going back to an old situation and we didn’t, we’d isntantly turned into salt. There would be nothing but piles of salt all over the planet! I myself would not be here. I recently looked back on a situation that I was supposed to completely let go of. Something in me hoped that the person had changed but they of course hadn’t and it brought me steps backwards on my journey. As I type this, I say to you if you decide to just leave something alone, don’t look back on it. If you made the decision and you truly feel strongly that it was the right decision, don’t second guess yourself. Just go forward and be happy with where you are  now. Even if there were good times back there, it’s still just in the past. Are you still having a good time now?? Ok then! so always keep moving forward even when it seems so hard to do so. Baby steps if you must!

Women’s Cheat Sheet To Men (Mad’s Corner Issue 12)

So I’ve been talking to a lot of different types of females and I’ve notice certain common issues they seem to face as far as meeting a good man and maintaining a healthy relationship so I’ve created a cheat sheet for women to understand men a lot better. Some of this is obvious but hey if everything was that obvious, everyone would already be in good relationships including me! But ladies, here’s the main points

  1. Men are NOT mind readers!-The sooner a woman realizes this, the better her life will be come. A lot of time, a woman will be getting to know a guy and make A LOT of assumptions based on actions or lack thereof. If you want a guy to know something or how you feel about something, in most cases, you’re better off just straight up telling him. If you don’t, he will probably not get the hints you and your girls think are SOOO obvious then when you yell at him for whatever it was, his thought will be,” This chick is out of her monkey ass mind!!!!! How was I supposed to know she had an issue with that when she never TOLD me she had an issue with that!??!?!” You want to know something???? TALK TO HIM!!! lol
  2. Stop listening to your FEMALE friends on advice about a MALE!- Now I will admit it seems like it makes sense to ask your friends for advice when it comes to men because yall deal with the same problem. Unfortunately, it’s mostly the blind leading the blind. On top of that, think about some of these people you asking. Some of these females are scorned and still carrying baggage. Imagine getting advice from that chick! Her whole thought process may be ,”NIGGAS AINT SHIT!” so then she will always give you the most negative of possibilities. Example: So your bf went out to the club and one of your friends happened to be in that same club and she saw your bf dancing with some other female. Now let’s assume yall haven’t had a talk about ground rules as far as going out w/o each other. That NAS(niggas aint shit) friend will over exaggerate what she saw, throw a whole bunch of “see I told you he just like the rest of em” on it then you will confront your bf all super angry saying so and so told me she saw you doing this that and the other(I.e. You will become Craig’s girl from Friday: “Yes you did! Cuz my sister-in-law’s baby cousin Tracy. She told me that she saw you at the show all hugged up wit some tramp. Now tell me who she was!!!!”) and because you believe your friend over your man even though he has never given you a reason to doubt him, there goes a perfectly good relationship!
  3. IF you are SAFELY sexually active in a long term relationship, have few limits.- Notice what i said. IF you are sexually active. In my opinion, the longer you go before adding in that physical element the better. That gives you the maximum time to see if this person is even worth sharing your body with. If you can make it to marriage before sex, DO IT! But I’m not hear to preach, I’m hear to help! Assuming you are sexually active, that list of what you refuse to do shouldn’t be a laundry list.If you both get tested regularly(i.e. the SAFELY part), then i see no reason why certain things should be off limits. After all, by this age, those that are sexually active have experienced a range of things so to not waste time, you should have a frank discussion about your limits whatever they may be. If he can’t respect those limits, let him go right then and there
  4. Don’t look in the wrong places!- Basically this goes to a status I had up not too long ago. If you at a club, WILD house party, etc, this is definitely not the place to meet your husband. What do more than a few females do? Get dressed, with a lil too much of this out and a lil too much of that out then go in the club and if they aren’t already drunk, they get drunk in the club. Next the ass shaking commences……Do you really want the guy who that’s what you had to do to get his attention?? And besides, 9 times out of 10 a man is not in the club looking for wifey…he’s there to dance, drink,smoke, and/or grind with females. After all, ain’t no smart dude bout to go pay $10-25 to just stand around!!! The most he may be looking for if anything is a one night stand. Save your searches for classy events, church, pretty much places where it’s NOT dark and you NOT drowned out by music!
  5. Dress for the part- So alot of women are out there looking for their future husband. The problem some have is that they are dressed to be his future ho or prostitute. No man out there will actually complain about seeing everything BUT the truth of the matter is how is that man supposed to get to your heart and your mind when all he can see is ass and titties?????Would you go to a job interview dressed in booty shorts and a wifebeater for a Fortune 500 company? No you would have on a business suit or something of the like. Always remember that before anything else, you are a lady and unfortunately the only way a man will recognize that is if you are dressed like one! I’m not saying no cleavage or sex appeal but subtle hints of it are what you want to go for
  6. Don’t ALWAYS listen to your friends first- I kind of already addressed this but I wanted to go a little deeper. If you meet a guy that genuinely interests you, do not always let the opinions of your friends cloud your judgment. After all, do yall have the same taste in guys? And let’s face it, some of your friends are probably quite shallow. Yes sometimes they are there to help you dodge bullets but I am willing to bet there was at least one guy you actually considered talking to but your friends thought they knew better and blocked. Then later you saw the guy and thought,” Damn my friends made me miss this great guy. Thanks friends!”

Last but not least, start off as friends!!!! Now I know this sounds like a bad idea but outside some flirting here and there, take it slow. Think about it: Most people say that the person they want to marry, they want that person to be like their best friend! WELL if someone is like your best friend, how likely are you to lie to them. If someone is like your best friend, don’t you feel comfortable to talk to them about anything? And if that person is your best friend, as you both grow stronger with one another, you can be honest about your past and chances are because they know where you came from and what you are now, most of the time they can accept whatever it is you have in your past.

There are probably more but that’s for another time perhaps. Questions, comments, concerns, and opinions are welcome!!!!!

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